What if I don’t love my child?
Is this a ridiculous thing to think or more common than I think?
I have Corben and believe me there isn’t a love on this planet or even this universe as strong as the love we have. But hypothetically let’s say we were to have another child, I can’t stop thinking I may have brain washed myself into thinking I wouldn’t be able to love them as much.
Am I alone feeling this way?
The way I see it is that I wouldn’t have as much time to give to Corben, I would be forcing extra older sibling responsibilities onto him and I’m not sure that would be fair. Or is not giving him a closer in age sibling the wrong thing to do?
We have the girls too obviously but the situation is different, being a step-dad and having them already at 6 and 7 when we met and sharing the responsibility with their Dad makes the bond no less important but different. In terms of experiencing their births etc. Plus the age gap between Abi and Corben is 8 years, that’s pretty big. Corben is currently only 4…
I should say, this isn’t a hint or a reveal post… WE AREN’T PREGNANT!
Let’s just say these type of thoughts have crossed my mind lately, despite writing I Don’t Want Another Child. For some reason when I imagine the scenario that another child is on their way, I can’t help but think about the negatives. This is new ground for me because as you regular readers will know I’m a very positive person.
Less time for Corben to have my full attention. Would I resent a new baby a little for taking that time from me? Do I feel like this because Corben is physically here so the love is undeniable, maybe if a new baby appeared all of these worries would evaporate once we made eye contact for the first time?
Corben loves being the centre of our attention, would we be making a decision that he won’t like? He’s 4 so we’ve no idea really how he feels about being a big brother. He’s happy enough how he is and spending quality time with his older sisters, would he really want a little baby knocking around?
Have I thought about this too much and ended up brain washing myself into feeling these less common thoughts? Kids can change your entire outlook on life with a single smile, would this be any different?
We’re at the stage at the moment where the novelty has worn off with Corben and the girls. He’s no longer the little cute brother, more the little annoying boy they’re forced to play with. That’s not an accurate statement 100% of the time, but lately there’s been many arguments and discussions that they have a responsibility to be present and play with him for what’s really a tiny amount of their time. Is this a glimpse into the future, will Corben get bored quickly of a cute baby and become annoyed by it?
We already split our time 3 ways. I know this sounds more like we only have 1 child but that’s because the girls are older, thus spend a lot of time doing their own things as well as then being at their Dad’s house several times a week. So in reality, much of our week we do only have 1 kid full-time.
I’m asking a load of questions in this post because I’m massively intrigued to how it works for you. Do you have 1 child, do you have these thoughts? Do you have more than 1, how did your mindset change if you had similar thoughts?
How do you see things, please leave me a comment or inbox me, let me know what your thoughts are… See you online @dadvworld