What if I don’t love my child? 10


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Is this a ridiculous thing to think or more common than I think?

I have Corben and believe me there isn’t a love on this planet or even this universe as strong as the love we have. But hypothetically let’s say we were to have another child, I can’t stop thinking I may have brain washed myself into thinking I wouldn’t be able to love them as much.

Am I alone feeling this way?

The way I see it is that I wouldn’t have as much time to give to Corben, I would be forcing extra older sibling responsibilities onto him and I’m not sure that would be fair. Or is not giving him a closer in age sibling the wrong thing to do?

We have the girls too obviously but the situation is different, being a step-dad and having them already at 6 and 7 when we met and sharing the responsibility with their Dad makes the bond no less important but different. In terms of experiencing their births etc. Plus the age gap between Abi and Corben is 8 years, that’s pretty big. Corben is currently only 4…

I should say, this isn’t a hint or a reveal post… WE AREN’T PREGNANT!

Let’s just say these type of thoughts have crossed my mind lately, despite writing I Don’t Want Another Child. For some reason when I imagine the scenario that another child is on their way, I can’t help but think about the negatives. This is new ground for me because as you regular readers will know I’m a very positive person.

Less time for Corben to have my full attention. Would I resent a new baby a little for taking that time from me? Do I feel like this because Corben is physically here so the love is undeniable, maybe if a new baby appeared all of these worries would evaporate once we made eye contact for the first time?

Corben loves being the centre of our attention, would we be making a decision that he won’t like? He’s 4 so we’ve no idea really how he feels about being a big brother. He’s happy enough how he is and spending quality time with his older sisters, would he really want a little baby knocking around?

Have I thought about this too much and ended up brain washing myself into feeling these less common thoughts? Kids can change your entire outlook on life with a single smile, would this be any different?

We’re at the stage at the moment where the novelty has worn off with Corben and the girls. He’s no longer the little cute brother, more the little annoying boy they’re forced to play with. That’s not an accurate statement 100% of the time, but lately there’s been many arguments and discussions that they have a responsibility to be present and play with him for what’s really a tiny amount of their time. Is this a glimpse into the future, will Corben get bored quickly of a cute baby and become annoyed by it?

We already split our time 3 ways. I know this sounds more like we only have 1 child but that’s because the girls are older, thus spend a lot of time doing their own things as well as then being at their Dad’s house several times a week. So in reality, much of our week we do only have 1 kid full-time.

I’m asking a load of questions in this post because I’m massively intrigued to how it works for you. Do you have 1 child, do you have these thoughts? Do you have more than 1, how did your mindset change if you had similar thoughts?

How do you see things, please leave me a comment or inbox me, let me know what your thoughts are… See you online @dadvworld


Let me know what you think...

10 thoughts on “What if I don’t love my child?

  • Amy Collins

    I’ve read posts like this many times, but even with Alfie being so young I genuinely think there’s room for more. One more, two more, 10 more, maybe. But maybe I’m only saying that because I do only have one child, but the fact he’s still so dependant on me doesn’t deter the fact that the only thing holding me back from having another one NOW is the surgery I’m waiting for.
    I think feelings on this could vary so hugely depending on individual situation, but it’s courageous to write and address it, as I guess it’s almost taboo.

    Really well written and thought provoking, though!

    • DadvWorld Post author

      Thanks Amy! Of there’s one thing I want back from people reading my content, it’s that it has made you think. So that’s great to hear. You’re right, situations, experiences etc are all at play here so opinions could vary massively. I think people should talk more about these types of things though so that we can learn from each other. 10 kids! Jeez… ๐Ÿ˜€ Thanks for reading and commenting ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Rebecca

    I had the same thoughts whilst pregnant with the second. I would be putting eldest to bed (she wasn’t even 1 at the time) and be sitting there crying due to guilt. I would never have the same bond with her after.

    To be honest, no it isn’t the same with two as you do split your time between them. But they also have a younger sibling to play with and care for and that in itself is a good thing. Ok sure there will be arguments (a LOT of arguments) but I think it’s better dor them to grow up together.

    I grew up as an only child. I would’ve loved a sibling to play with. I now have a younger half brother but there’s a 26 year age difference. I hardly know him.

    Of course it’s different with Corben as he has his older sisters to look up to.

    And, you will love your next child as much as the others. Might not like them as much though cos the second one is a little shit (in my experience)!!

    • DadvWorld Post author

      Haha! I’m laughing my head off at your final comment. LOL! Thanks for reading and sharing your experience, really appreciate it. I wasn’t sure whether other people had these thoughts or not, I assumed that if I am though, surely someone else is so let’s put it out there. It’s definitely sparking plenty of other thoughts and feelings reading the comments and messages I’m getting on this post…

  • Natalie

    I have thought about this bit when me and cat have talked about another baby and because I don’t have to biological bond with William and with the new baby I would I worry that I will feel different William is my son and I love him with every part of me but I do get what you mean it’s so hard but that’s the brain overthinking everything like it loves to do xx great post I’ll have something to ponder over while I put William to bed tonight

    • DadvWorld Post author

      Thought provoking is my main aim with this one. My mind is on fire with it so I need to pass it on HAHA! Yes, that biological bond is a genuine force of nature. You’ve been there throughout Williams entire life he’s 100% your son and your bond will be definitely unbreakable. There’s much to think about isn’t there… Thanks for reading and commenting, really appreciate it ๐Ÿ™‚

  • John Adams

    Well me old mucker, concerns about how you’d split your time with another child are quite natural. I thought the same before No2 came along. As for loving your child or not, some people genuinely struggle with this. I feel for those that do experience such negative emotions.

    • DadvWorld Post author

      Morning John! Thanks for reading and commenting. Yes I imagine they do struggle, it’s not nice to have those thoughts floating around your head. Time will always be a problem for most people I think, even those without children. There’s never enough time to get everything done that you want to achieve. Still, positive thoughts resume!

  • diynige

    It’s a huge decision, I’m not sure I could advise being a father of five haha! It’s all about individual choice and what the couple want it’s not wrong either way. We didn’t have any choice in my second marriage BOGOF I LOVE them both the same though. Great read mate.

    • DadvWorld Post author

      Yes! I often wonder if you could choose, how many people would choose boy/girl twins and tick all boxes in one go? Knowing myself I’m 100% positive I would have enough love and the same love for another child, however if I’m having these thoughts I know others will and hopefully this post will show people aren’t alone. Always appreciate you reading and commenting mate ๐Ÿ™‚