Today the wife an I are off to Blackpool for 2 nights. It’s my birthday on Sunday and my amazing mother-in-law has forked out for the hotel and tickets to see the show Blood Brothers. So I’m feeling the usual emotions of excitement, happiness, intrigue but a massive surge of guilt. I think guilt is the right word for what I’m feeling but I know I’ve nothing to be guilty for.
It’s the whole, leaving the boy for 2 nights, thing that’s doing this and it always does. Now he’s 3 and a half and I can count on 1 hand the nights we’ve spent apart. We went to London for a couple of nights when he was 1 and we had a night out not so long ago resulting in him staying out the night too. Other than that off the top of my head I can’t remember any others actually. The boy, Corben, when he stays out he loves it and it’s always with close family, Nanna’s and Grandad’s and his Aunty, my sister who are all more than capable of looking after him but my stomach aches and my heart hurts every single time. The over night stays are very rare but I get this feeling even if we need him watching for more than a couple of hours, again this doesn’t tend to happen much either.
I see other parent’s constantly on nights out etc and even our 2 girls stay over at their Nanna’s every other Saturday night, but from day one they’ve always stayed out each week at their Dad’s so that obviously feels completely different. I even sometimes go as far as keeping my head down type of thing, like I won’t make much effort to bring on an opportunity to go out. It’s fine when I leave him at home with his Mum I just seem to struggle getting my head around leaving him over night without either of us.
Parents reading this will, I’m sure, know that feeling of thinking ‘No-one can look after my kid like I can’ and we’re right, but when I switch my thoughts from heart to brain I know that doesn’t mean others can’t to an adequate job. Every member of our close family are fantastic with him and both my sisters are nurses, if you’re asking anyone to watch him whilst we have meetings etc a nurse isn’t a bad call is it! It’s those little things he does that no-one picks up on other than my wife and I, those things he repeats from TV shows that we’ve also endured several times giving us the ability to understand and play along. I mean if he said to you ‘I’m the crack and this is my squirt’ you’d probably be ringing the local authorities, however Crack, is actually Venom, the bad Spiderman and his squirt is from a YouTube video where The Joker is squirted by Spiderman with a hose in the garden. See what I mean!!!
I think the guilt feeling springs from the thought that I will be enjoying myself without him there and that I kinda feel I’m palming him off just so I can get a break and relax even though I DON’T NEED A BREAK!!!
So yeah, I’ve kind of knocked this post together in about 10 minutes, one reason is to get your thoughts, do you get this awful feeling or am I just overdoing it, another reason to get a post out to you before we go to Blackpool for a couple of days where I will 100% enjoy myself, I’ll just be checking up on the boy pretty often!
I’m on the usual’s…. @dadvworld