I’ve never cried as much in all my life as I have since Corben was born and I’m not afraid to say. It’s been made well known that apparently Dad’s have a hard time showing their emotions and definitely don’t cry. Bullshit.
OK so pre-Corben I wasn’t really an emotional person at all. I didn’t cry at films and during any hard times life threw at me I never once felt tears well up in my eyes, not that I remember. I think any time I’d ever cried before was through anger.
Then at 6:49am on the 5th October 2012 the smallest human to enter my life made the biggest impact. He brought with him the key that has dramatically opened the door to my emotions. One phrase, one cuddle or even one look and the welling of tears begins. Could I hold it back? Do I even want to? Maybe that’s what has switched, maybe I just no longer care to hold back on the tears and emotions that now frequently flow from my eyes.
Throughout our pregnancy I tried to mentally prepare myself for fatherhood and tried to figure out as best I could how I wanted to do Dad-ing. Looking back now I prepared myself in the best way I knew how, I knew I wanted to do this and that, teach him X, Y and Z and I’m really happy that I did prepare myself mentally as much as physically. I mean everyone prepares themselves in regards pushchairs, cots, nappies and baby wipes, but do people maybe forget that your mentality needs to alter? Well I didn’t neglect the mental aspect of parenting but jeez no amount of prep work could be enough. Donetta could have been pregnant for 10 years ( Sorry Mum readers, I bet your neck twitched at that thought! ) and I still couldn’t have been ready for the emotional aspect of being a Dad.
You know those shows on TV where some lady has given 30 years to a group that help vulnerable people or something of that sort and her kids surprise her with a full home makeover, I have to think ‘Don’t cry’ to myself. I’ve even had an emotional conversation with one of the lads that resulted in me crying into a bottle of Kopparberg in the middle of a bar. You see what I mean. I’ve also noticed I really enjoy seeing people do well, either game shows on TV or in everyday life. I feel really good when I see someone else, even if I don’t know them, do well. Not that before I hated people winning on TV or anything, I’m just saying I’ve noticed it enough to now Google all of this.
That’s right, I’ve googled it. One day after having a cry at something I thought right, enough is enough, what’s wrong with me. I typed into Google ‘Heightened emotions after becoming a dad’. Go on, Google it….
Thousands of articles appear and I read a load of them. I’ve found that what I’m experiencing isn’t that uncommon for Dad’s, however I wish it was more common. Basically I found that Dad’s also experience hormonal changes and their brain chemicals and wiring also alter at the point of becoming a father. There have been various experiments on Mum’s and Dad’s and results show that Dad’s are affected in very much the same way as Mum’s are. Obviously not in the apparent physical sense, we know that a woman’s body does the main grafting….
This is a good thing isn’t it? I’d like to see more of these experiments or at least more Dad’s breaking free from the stereotypical image society has built over history. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, crying isn’t just for girls, crying doesn’t make you inferior to anyone else.
I cried at Tom Fletcher’s wedding speech, however you come and upset my family and I wouldn’t fancy your chances, there’d be tears alright, but for once, not mine.
Have a cry then comment, let me know what you’ve cried at. Something silly, something funny or in an embarrassing place. Comment, message, Tweet, whatever….
Tweet me @dadvworld and HashTag #ItsOKToCryDad
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