Reality is setting in and I don’t like it.
September is fast approaching and that means for half a day, 5 days a week, I will be losing my little side-kick and I don’t like how I’m feeling about this.
I’ve written a couple of posts already about education and sending my boy to school. Starting Nursery, School, Do I Have To and For you, or for me? This tells me whether I’ve realised it or not, this subject has been bothering the back of my mind for some time. Well this bother has now made it’s way to the very front and it’s all I can think about. The reality that September isn’t far away at all and that I will indeed have to drop off my kid, my best pal, my little side-kick at school very soon.
I’ve been fighting myself for a good while about my feelings for education and home educating and still to this day I have conflicting views and couldn’t be 100% confident with either decision. The compromise we’ve uncomfortably settled on currently, is that we will send him to school, the same school his older sisters went to and really enjoyed. If things start going pear shaped and/or we feel we can educate him to explore the world better, then we will take him out. Our feelings are that it would be easier to do it this way than it would to go at it alone and then have to plunge him into a school months after all the other kids have settled.
Am I definitely sure this is the right thing, NO. Would I be sure doing the opposite would be better, NO. This is basically how parenting works though, you make decisions based on questions that have no correct answer, it’s a bloody minefield!
Either way our decision is now made and things are moving ahead. So this then brings me onto the next impossible parental equation, the feeling of losing my right-hand. For just short of 4 years this little person with whom I have an indescribable bond with, has been by my side pretty much 24/7. Now through my choice, he will be leaving my side to go and be influenced by others for several hours a day most days. This is heart breaking and is hurting me and it’s only June, how will I be when the time does arrive? A broken mess of a man that’s how. I know I’m not actually losing my child and maybe you read this thinking I should get a grip, maybe you’re right.
I keep trying to take the positives, he will love school and I know he will. Interacting with all the other kids, playing and learning, he’ll be having a great time. I will have a couple of hours a day where I can rest the eyes in the back of my head and get tasks done that I simply couldn’t before. What parent doesn’t need just an extra few hours a day to do whatever it is you need or want to? There are definitely positives, I just know it will take time to adjust to the new routine and lifestyle.
I think I’ve known all of this and have spent so much time thinking about it for so long that it kind of felt like the time wouldn’t ever actually arrive, but now it’s almost here.
Is anyone else feeling like this? Is your child starting school this September? Did you experience this when your child started school?
Let me know, comments, likes, shares and feedback are always appreciated.
#StayClassyMama – Or Dad, whatever :/